So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
