am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
