dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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