so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
