i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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