she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
