hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
