Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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