Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
