first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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