It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
