i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
