I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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