I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do vagina's smell?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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