i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
