I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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