i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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