So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
