...so i touched it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
