take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
