I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
