how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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