I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
