well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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