He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
