Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
