i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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