he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
