9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i think my cat just said my name.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
