the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
