Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
