he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
