If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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