Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I forget how to act sober
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
