guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
