i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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