loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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