I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
