he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
