He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
