I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
People in love make me want to vomit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
