I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He did a backflip because drugs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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