Who did Billy Mays play for?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
try to milk me bitch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
