I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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