"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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