I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
