we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
