I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
