I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize