my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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