How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
