he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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