She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
