A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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