before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
