i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
