Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
