the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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