So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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