just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
