He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
