smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
