you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize