I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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