i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
