What a fucking waste of an outfit
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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