I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
