I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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