how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fuck your aforementioned shoe
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
not ubering you a puppy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
