So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
