We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
