so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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