I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
