I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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