remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dignity is for republicans.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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