I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
