sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
