Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
