Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
