i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
