I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
