Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
