Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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