you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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