just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
